Consent: A Memoir

Author: Jill Ciment

In this memoir, Jill Ciment reflects on her ardent love affair with her art teacher, which began when she was just sixteen and he was significantly older and married with a child. This happened in California in the 1970s, at a time that had considerably different societal norms regarding relationships and consent. She observes that in a memoir,  “the reader often learns more about the period in which the book was written than the period that is being written about”, and Jill has the rare privilege of writing her memoir twice.

She published her first memoir in 1996 and her focus was her struggles growing up in a single-parent household. At the age of 16 she developed an infatuation with her art teacher, Arnold Mesches, who is 30 years older than her and married. In her original book, this is portrayed as a romantic affair with both parties as willing participants.  Now, as she revisits the past, she feels that Arnold should have borne the burden of being the adult in the room. She acknowledges that those were different times, with different social norms and is careful not to pass judgement on her husband. 

Despite her attempts to be balanced in her description, it seems to me that there is a tinge of regret in all the things she missed as a result of having a much older partner to share her life with. She juxtaposes his professional awards as an artist to her winning prizes for her elementary school drawings. She is consistently trying to get the reader to see the huge age gap between them. While the age difference obviously remains the same, the contrast in their activities  when she is a little child is stark. 

At some point she gives him an ultimatum to divorce his wife and marry her, and he complies. He pretty much leaves everything behind, and in her words “If you leave your wife for another woman, you might horse-trade for the better car, but if you leave your wife for a teenager, you take only your toothbrush.”

She makes it a point to let us know that Arnold’s daughter is just a few months younger than her and her father and Arnold are just a couple of months apart. Arnold gets along famously with her mother. 

In summary, the memoir serves as a retrospective look at how memories can shift over time. Ciment revisits her earlier writings about her relationship, comparing them with her current reflections. This process highlights the fluidity of memory and how personal narratives can evolve as one gains new perspectives. She writes beautifully and the book is short and a joy to read.